I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I licked your asshole in confidence.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
