Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
