How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You pole danced in your parka.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
