i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Tornado booty call.. dedication
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
