So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
