I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
