I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
