Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.

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(916): View more from California

nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds

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(409): View more from Texas

i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.

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(573): View more from Missouri

Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires

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(315): View more from New York

I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....

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