dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
