Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Two words: blizzard sex
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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