the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
