Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
