we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
