U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
