You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just found a bag of teeth...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So much rum. So many feels.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
