I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
