Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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