Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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