he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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