Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
