just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
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There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
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Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.