What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
