I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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