I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
