So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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