Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
do herpes really smell.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
