I want to stick my p in your. b.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
