I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
