I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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