Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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