I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
