found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
