What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
