we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
