Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize