I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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