i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
