Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
