Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
