I skipped work to stalk him.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
