I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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