whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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