Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
