I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
