Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
