meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My life is pants optional.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
