So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
