I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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