I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Two words: blizzard sex
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
