Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
