Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
