he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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