Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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