You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
