last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
