i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
