She said her name was "party"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
