before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
