Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
