i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
