He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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