I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
