Is it because I queefed?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
