One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
