It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
