I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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