I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
